He is Risen, Alleluia! ( Finally, I can say Alleluia again!)

Happy Easter to all!  Yes Easter Sunday was yesterday, but the Easter Season has just begun.  The Easter Season lasts until Pentecost, if you didn't know.  However, I think we should celebrate Our Lord's  resurrection everyday and remember that He is our salvation.

That being said, I still love the Lenten season so much and always try to take that time and focus on one subject or book. 

This Lent I finished (can I get a Hallelujah?!?!) the Sermons of St. Francis de Sales For Lent. I began these last year during Lent, but they are so packed with spiritual lessons, I had to set it aside to complete these in 2014. 

An example of the wisdom shared in this book: in St. Francis' final sermon (for Good Friday), he compares/contrasts Judas and the bad thief on Calvary against St. Peter and the good thief. I never had heard this comparison before and my mind was blown.  I have read over the Gospels many, many times, but never would have put this together. 

This is why I think everyone should study the writings of saints and early church fathers.  They have so much insight and it is all written out us to study and learn from their wisdom.

So if you have never studied any writings of saints, pick out your favorite saint and see if they have anything to study (May I suggest St. Francis de Sales) and check the library for their work (especially if your church has a library). 

I Must Admit My Failings

I have not been following through will all my resolutions from the last post.  I still go to my Bible study, however, I have not been reviewing the material before and digging deeper with these readings.  However, I do try harder to be more engaged while at the study.

I am reading for the season, The Sermons of St. Francis de Sales For Lent. But this somehow doesn't seem like study- more like prayer than anything else.  His sermons are so dense, I sometimes only read a page or two a day and find myself meditating on his words and trying to better follow the Lord.  I don't think that is bad, but I don't call this "study" either. 

St. Francis de Sales

Looking ahead, I did buy a book about how to share the faith.  I will keep that until I get to the Challenge part of Evangelization.  Until then, I'll carry on with Bible Study and a few Lenten presentations given at my church.

Next up - Study!



So I'm on to the second phase of this Challenge - Study!

I do have to say, this doesn't seem to speak to me much since I tend to do a lot of reading in different areas of the Catholic Faith.  But is reading really the same as studying? 

Per Kelly's book, The Four Signs of a Dynamic Catholic, a person would be more engaged if they read Catholic books.  But also it may be that they read Catholic books because they are already engaged.

I guess I'm at a point in my faith where I need more in depth study of the faith. So what to do?  Well, I have a few studies that I could do, but that doesn't seem interesting to me right now.

I do already attend a Bible Study group weekly, so I have decided to be more present and aware during this meeting.  Also, I will be looking up more information, about what we would most likely be covering for that week, before I attend.  I want to get more out of this. 

I'm not sure what else I could really add right now.  What do you think I should/could do?

I've Waited and Voila....

Nothing new.

Well actually, I think I am backsliding a bit and I am just now trying to gain back a little momentum to end my time focusing on the first sign of Prayer.

I can't believe that the 3 months is almost over and I know there must be some change that has occurred in my faith/prayer life.  I just think that I am too close to it, to see what really is happening. Or I'm maybe 3 months is not enough to really make much progress.

Or maybe, I'm still waiting on God as deep prayer is a gift that He gives us.  We really can't make communion with God happen.  Vocal prayers, yes I can make that happen. Meditation, yes, that too.

But true contemplation, that is a gift from God and all I can do is make myself as ready as I can to receive that gift.  What being ready means...well I'll let the great St. Teresa tell us:

 Once we have done our part to recollect ourselves and to give ourselves to the Lord, he takes us at our word and give us the Prayer of Quiet. This is a supernatural state and is thus beyond our control. It is a pure gift that we “can only receive . . . with thanksgiving.”
                                                               -St. Teresa of Avila, The Way of Perfection

Recollect and then give myself to the Lord.  I don't know about you, but to completely give everything of me to the Lord is not coming so easily.  I almost say that I stubbornly refuse to give certain things in my life to God. 

Can I give Him all my worry?  I'm sure that He could handle it, but then what would I do with all that time I spend worrying....hmmm I kind of see where this is going. 

Can I give Him my sins, my health problems, my tiredness, my emotions, my heart....

There's a lot a girl would have to give and while it sounds like a no brainer to give these to Him, it is not easy (at least for me)!

Although patience is not my strong suit, I really have no other choice for now, but to remain faithful and surrender what I am able and ask the Lord to help me give the rest to Him.  And hopefully I can continue to maintain my prayer habits I have tried to cement during this time while I move on soon to the next of the four signs Kelly presents...

Waiting for Silence in the Silence...

You would think that this post's title says it all...and it does, but only in the most simplistic terms.

At this point I have gained no new insights on my current area of focus: Prayer.  And I still have over a month to continue my focus on this topic.

But I continue to follow through on this part of my life, because I don't want to stop short of learning how to better communicate and adore God.  I continue to wait in hope that I can uncover what the Lord is trying to tell me.  I do think this is very appropriate timing, as we are in the thick of advent...the season of Hope.

Unfortunately, I'm not the best at persevering when I see little or no progress or reward.  I want to know that what I am doing, by waiting, will create a better faith life and closer relationship with Jesus. 

At this point, I'm not sure if this challenge will help or is a total waste of my time. 

Am I praying the right way? Am I supposed to be doing this challenge at all?  Is this really what God wants me to do? 

All this questions and doubts are continually flowing in my head as I try to pray.  It's enough to drive a girl mad. And I know why....I'm seeking silence and when my head is in constant motion, I can seem to connect with Him as I'd like (and I'm sure as the Lord would like as well).

During the rush to get everything done and ready for Christmas and New Years,  silence is hard to come by.  This makes me feel especially blessed to have my committed hour in adoration, but sad that I feel it sometimes is not enough time to really calm my brain and really find Jesus and hear what He wants to tell me.



Do I need to run away to a monastery to hear the Lord in silence?
Feels that way sometimes.

Then again, this reminds me of what Matthew Kelly says about finding a routine within my prayer routine.  Perhaps finding some sort of routine would help me quiet myself during the hour and help me to claim my focus on praying.  A rosary...a chaplet... a psalm...hmmm something to further ponder and experiment with.  Although I'm not sure that during this time of year with any routine, that I will be easily focused, but it's worth a shot.

Learning to See Helps me to Pray

I've noticed one little thing about myself and my prayers since beginning to focus on them.  I can't focus!  During prayer (and dare I say Mass also), my mind is going over details of work, or what I need to tell a friend, or people I need to call, or any other minute detail that does not matter including what's for dinner. 

I can only imagine God sitting there waiting for me to get back to my conversation with Him.  It's like I'm sitting across from Him, but  I'm checking my Twitter while He's trying to tell me something. So I know that I am just not listening when this happens.

                                                                             How can I better focus and listen to what my Lord is trying to tell me?  First, I've noticed one thing that is missing most of the time when this occurs....SILENCE!  When did I start doing Morning prayer with the TV going in the background? When did the radio or CD payer start continuously playing in my car?  So I've resolved to no longer turn the TV on until after Morning prayer is completed.  We shall see if this makes a difference in my focus during my prayer and if it deepens the experience.

Well, I should know better, but I also realized that when I get distracted, I've not been aware of how blessed I am in this world. My prayer lacks any amount of thanksgiving. I guess this is a timely realization with Turkey Day only a couple days ago.

 

  Ingratitude!  My prayer, at that point, seems to be coming to me with the idea that it should somehow entertain me. Now I realize that it should be also about thanking God for all that is already in my life that He has seen fit to provide. When did I become so unaware of these things and forget in my prayer to give thanks for everything that I have and see around me.

 

I have recently told myself, when I start to wander, there is something here in front of me that I should be thanking God for and since it is not coming to my mind by listening, it is somewhere around me.  I have begun learning to SEE what is around me and the BLESSINGS that are right before my eyes.  When I start looking around me, I can find so much to talk to the Lord about or realize how much I am blessed, that I begin to SEE His love and I can't help but put my focus back on Him.  I don't know how I became "blind" to these things in my life, but discovering and uncovering all that God has done for me and my salvation, brings my heart and my prayer back to Him.

 

Beauty the Lord provides to remind out hearts that He loves us!

The Lord Provides...Even When You Have No Clue

Prayer being the first sign Matthew Kelly designates in The Four Signs of a Dynamic Catholic, I immediately thought after posting my intentions last week, "How am I going to focus on Prayer?!?"

I mean, I do go often to Weekday Mass, and I pray Morning prayer every morning. I stop by for adoration at a chapel close to where I work most days for at least 15 minutes if not an hour of adoration.  So, of course I could pray more, but is more really better? What am I supposed to do for three months while focusing on prayer.

But God always provides...always.  And this was no exception.

 

 

After posting, I looked at my email for the day and what do I see....My Read the Catechism in a Year email comes through (which I admit have not read many of these emails this past year or even paid attention to them) and the subject line is "Day 378- Meditative Prayer" CCC section 2705-2708! 

First thing I thought, hmmm...this is supposed to be Read the Catechism in a Year...but it's Day 378?  Maybe they got thrown off when the world didn't end according to the Mayan calendar last December?  Or you really can't read the Catechism in a year and they were just overly optimistic that we would get through all the material.  Makes me think about when you get to the last month of the school year and your US History teacher realizes that they still have to cover almost 175 years of the history lessons.

Secondly, this made me think, I need to go back to the basics and learn what prayer is and what better source than the Catechism. So I have pulled it off the bookshelf and dusted it off for some further research.  Turns out, the Church has a lot to say in it's teachings about prayer (and I'm slowly going through the Prayer section of the catechism now to make sure I get everything out of it that I can).

So beyond this "learning" more about prayer, I did one other thing in hopes of awakening my prayer life.  I actually signed up for an adoration hour.  As I said, God provides.  This week there was a sign up sheet outside the chapel I frequent. And I do stop by on a daily basis usually.  But to have an hour assigned to me does two things for me: 

A. I have to be there. People are counting on me to be there. Plus, there is something in me that lights up when I think that I have a date with Jesus.

B. I have that hour set aside from my schedule that I can't just dismiss or leave early.  God is going to get one hour from me that day. And let me tell you, sometimes it is tough to stay that long, but I know that this is helping me to become still and listen to him.



One week has just flown by, and I really cannot tell much difference for myself in my prayer life.  I'm continuing on in the hope that there will be some cumulative effect for me.  In the end, I can not see where focusing on prayer for 3 months could have an adverse effect.  I guess I will just have to be patient (not a strong area for me) to see what fruits this bears.