Nothing new.
Well actually, I think I am backsliding a bit and I am just now trying to gain back a little momentum to end my time focusing on the first sign of Prayer.
I can't believe that the 3 months is almost over and I know there must be some change that has occurred in my faith/prayer life. I just think that I am too close to it, to see what really is happening. Or I'm maybe 3 months is not enough to really make much progress.
Or maybe, I'm still waiting on God as deep prayer is a gift that He gives us. We really can't make communion with God happen. Vocal prayers, yes I can make that happen. Meditation, yes, that too.
But true contemplation, that is a gift from God and all I can do is make myself as ready as I can to receive that gift. What being ready means...well I'll let the great St. Teresa tell us:
Once we have done our part to recollect ourselves and to give ourselves to the Lord, he takes us at our word and give us the Prayer of Quiet. This is a supernatural state and is thus beyond our control. It is a pure gift that we “can only receive . . . with thanksgiving.”
-St. Teresa of Avila, The Way of Perfection
Recollect and then give myself to the Lord. I don't know about you, but to completely give everything of me to the Lord is not coming so easily. I almost say that I stubbornly refuse to give certain things in my life to God.
Can I give Him all my worry? I'm sure that He could handle it, but then what would I do with all that time I spend worrying....hmmm I kind of see where this is going.
Can I give Him my sins, my health problems, my tiredness, my emotions, my heart....
There's a lot a girl would have to give and while it sounds like a no brainer to give these to Him, it is not easy (at least for me)!
Although patience is not my strong suit, I really have no other choice for now, but to remain faithful and surrender what I am able and ask the Lord to help me give the rest to Him. And hopefully I can continue to maintain my prayer habits I have tried to cement during this time while I move on soon to the next of the four signs Kelly presents...
